I need to confess something, and get it off my chest. It just might change your opinion of me.
I am a disastrous Christian.
At church, when the sermon doesn’t land, I check Twitter. Sometimes in worship, I worry about fitting in with whatever “mood” the crowd is in before I “get into it” (whatever that means). I think about how many likes the super creative status I just posted will get. Yeah, admittedly, that’s pretty lame.
Sometimes, I cuss. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.
My money goes mostly toward me; my debt, my needs, my whims. Millions of children in the world are starving to death right now and can’t even drink clean water. I’ve sponsored one kid for the past four years. I could probably easily sponsor three, but I need to buy a new pair of designer jeans.
I used to struggle with porn. What guy growing up during the internet revolution hasn’t?! And sometimes, I deftly justify my actions by what everyone else is doing. I still struggle with lust. That’s not very trendy to say, but it’s true.
Praying does not come easy to me. It’s more of a wrestling match with my attention span than a dialogue with the God of everything. Usually, disappointingly, my attention span wins. How is that even possible?
It’s easy for me to write about faith. It’s much messier to practice faith in the everyday, complicated, cluttered life that I live. It’s not that the teachings of Jesus are offensive or questionable to me; it’s that they are inconvenient to my routine. I’d like to think that I heroically live out the Gospel passionately, but generally I just go home to my apartment and blog about it.
Some people would tell you that I am a disastrous Christian, and still some would probably question if I’m even a Christian or not after those admissions. But I’d suggest this is what following Jesus really looks like: messy, honest, and brave.
Because if we are tidy, neat, clean, and well put-together, do we really need Jesus?
So this is for you failures, screw-ups, and disastrous ones: take hope. Your struggle is not in vain, and it will be overcome. Religion may consistently tell you that you aren’t good enough, but Jesus built a kingdom for you. He has not forgotten His plans for you, nor has He abandoned His love for you. He’s leading you toward something extraordinary; I hope that you’ll be brave enough to follow Him.
His love is furious. More furious than your doubt, your sin, and your rebellion.
Today, I’m confessing that I need Jesus. Not just to secure my salvation and walk me into heaven, but to teach me how to be alive here and now.
Comment Question: What are you struggling to overcome?