Needtobreathe wakes me up. Well, sort of wakes me up. More like startles me enough to roll over, somehow find my phone with my eyes close, and snooze my alarm.
That dang band is persistent, but not as persistent as sleep. The song doesn’t even make it past the third word, and snooze is hit. But, I’m annoyed enough to start opening my eyes.
The coffee pot starts its programmed brewing. Brewing coffee sends its aroma subtly through the apartment. Needtobreathe comes back on one more time, and this time I turn the alarm off and roll out of bed.
Why the heck did I go to bed so late last night?!
I burn my mouth. I don’t know why, but every morning I expect the coffee to be cool enough to immediately gulp as I pour my cup. It’s a humbling reminder that I’m not as smart and put together as I think I am.
It takes a minute or two for my eyes to adjust enough to read the words on the pages. Colossians is such a rich book, and it’s speaking to me so vividly over the past few days. Despite my weariness, and my blurry eyes, something inside me begins to wake up.
I spend some time praying, reminding myself of what’s important and thinking of friends who are going through difficult and exciting times. I have to write my prayers this morning, or else ADD will kick in pretty soon I’ll be thinking about something completely ridiculous and unrelated.
I start my truck, and head off to my job. Not a dream, not a purposed niche, not even something that utilizes my best talents and ambitions. Just a job. A job that I need, that pays well, and has somewhat flexible hours. But, mostly, just an ordinary 8-4 job. And whatever was beginning to wake up in me goes softly back to sleep.
Why am I doing this?
And so, the struggle begins. Everyday. I’m thankful for the opportunity to work, especially in today’s economy. But I don’t feel like what I do is helping to make the world a better place. I don’t feel that I’m contributing anything artful. I’m wrestling with that thought more than I’ve wrestled with anything else in my life.
I want to leave and find something else. But, I’m stilled by fear.
Fear tells me that I will never be able to do what I want to do; to speak and write for a living. Fear tells me that I don’t have enough experience for anyone to give me a call back or take a chance with my work. Fear tells me that even if I did get a shot, I’d blow it.
Fear is an author of sad stories.
The truth is: I am good enough, because I was made to do this. God placed this gifting into my chest, and He will see it through. Grace reminds me that today doesn’t have to define tomorrow, and courage tells me that the best thing to do is to do something.
And the same is true for you. You’ve been created to do something unique and beautiful. If you feel like your day job is slowly killing you, maybe it’s time to consider a different option. You don’t have to quit your job, or move to a different city, or give up your 401(k). Maybe it’s time to just start searching for what it is you are contributing to this world.
Maybe it’s time to consider that you are made to do something different.
Leave a comment, What is your biggest struggle during your day?