Tags
doubt, dream chasing, dreams, hesitation, jake kaufman, loneliness, one of those nights, questions, sucker punch
I’ve been staring at a white, blank screen for two and a half hours.
Yep. That’s the glamorous life of a writer.
Tonight’s been one of those nights where I question what I’m doing here. What’s my purpose in writing? Why do I feel compelled to write something and publish it on-line? What’s the driving force behind the sweat and sacrifice that make up this blog?
Am I narcissistic? I think that I have a lot of interesting ideas and unique viewpoints, and even a different writing style. At least, I think that on the days when I feel most confident. But, I don’t think that I’m the smartest guy or the most talented writer in the room, ever. I don’t write because I think that I deserve to be heard.
Do I write so that people will notice me? Of course I want to get noticed. That’s why I have a blog. That’s why I spend 15+ hours a week in my spare time creating these posts. It’s something that I hope is an outcome of my writing, but that’s not why I write.
Am I lonely?
…………….
That last question stings a bit. I’ll be honest, sometimes I feel super lonely. It’s weird. And, I guess a bit emo. I’m not a loner by any definition of the word. I’m most alive when I’m around people; engaged in conversation one on one over drinks, or speaking on a stage in front of hundreds. But there are times when I can be surrounded by my greatest and closest friends, and feel overwhelmingly alone.
What if I’m writing just so I can feel like people like me?
Yeah, some nights questions like this sneak in and steal my creativity. They rob me of the joy of writing and sharing, and leave me full of doubt and hesitation. Some nights, the questions win and I walk away. Doubt has a way of throwing a sucker punch that takes you off your feet.
The reality is, when you chase after your dreams, some nights are a fight.
It’s okay to take a punch here and there. It’s okay to wrestle with the tough questions and let doubt punch your right in your mouth. It’s okay sometimes to head for the corner to gather your composure and clean yourself up.
Towel off, sure. But don’t throw in the towel. Ever.
Comment below and tell me; what’s the ONE doubt that you are having a slugfest with in your life right now?
jake kaufman stories 
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this tonight. I just got done spending time with God, and the overwhelming word I got from him tonight: you are loved and you are wanted. Yep. That rut there can sometimes be my biggest struggle – in a room full of people I’m close to, and yet feel all alone. And it happens in my writing as well. The past two months have been touch and go for me – mostly because I’ve been insanely busy and haven’t had time to write, but some of it is just questioning where I go from here. Do I continue? Do I put that energy towards something else? Do I combine my blog with the Ignite blog and stop trying to do two? I have a lot I’m seeking God about and hoping to make some major realignments this summer.